Vegan Romance
July 3, 2012
Should Vegans Only Date Vegans?
In my last relationship, there was naturally some conflict at meal time, although surprisingly not that much. He’s a meateater; I’m vegan. For the most part, he would love the dishes I served, because of course they were small vegan masterpieces, some with the same comfort tastes of animal products. We would dine places that had vegan options. And he would listen when I would explain to him my reasons for being vegan. His reasoning for not wanting to go there himself was that he believed the myth that he could only keep his hot bod by eating meat. #sountrue
But then there was an unnamed vegan pizza place. We hadn’t eaten all day. It was 2:00. I’d been wanting to go there and he agreed to come with me. We got there, our pizza was soggy – temper tantrum in 5,4,3,2… He freaked the f out. Said he HATED vegan food, which wasn’t accurate because there were a ton of vegan things he liked. That he’d been more than accommodating of my vegan needs (I pointed out that I had likewise been accommodating of his.) And then he drove to a deli and bought a sandwich with nothing but 3 inches of meat. “I know what I like,” he said. I will spare you the juicy details, but it led to a discussion of what what I found attractive, and clearly it was not that.
So can vegans only be happy in relationships with other vegans? Let’s face it: less than 1% of the population is vegan and most of them are women. I don’t have the stats on this latter fact, but judging by attendance to vegan events, women are representing veganism more than men. The vegan guys I know are amazing, and for men there are issues that come up with going vegan that require redefining masculinity. In that case, I direct men to The Discerning Brute, a great website that defines what the new age gentleman is all about.
I hear mainstream single women complaining that there ‘aren’t any men out there’. Well can you imagine what a single vegan woman might experience if she considered her selection from a fraction of that (less than) 1%? Depressing. So why look at it this way?
The best solution for single vegan women is to not have too specific of a dietary checklist. What’s important is making sure that the guy a) likes eating healthy, b) is active, and c) is open minded. You have to make sure that he doesn’t still eat a diet off the kids menu, that he can appreciate the new foods you’re experimenting with in the kitchen, and that he respects his body enough to pay attention to what he’s putting into it.
You don’t need to expect a guy to have a knowledge of the state of animal rights, to know how to cook vegan, or to even be convinced of the lifestyle. (Although, bonus!) I know of a few friends whose partners have become vegan during the relationship. It’s entirely possible.
For those who feel that vegansexual describes them best, there are many veg dating sites:
Veggie Connection, Ethical Singles, & Veggie Fishing, and did you know that the owner of OKCupid is vegetarian? Also there is Volentia, a veg*n social networking site.
I have never had the luxury of dating a vegetarian or even a pescatarian. I went on one date with a guy who was almost vegan, but he turned out to predominantly be a flake-atarian.
But there are also downsides to a vegan dating another vegan:
- He judges you for not being vegan enough (eg. wearing faux fur)
- He’s a raw food snob who refers to anything other than raw food as ‘junk food’
- He doesn’t want kids because he thinks they ‘aren’t vegan’ (ie. use up too many of the resources he’s already using).
- He goes to jail for getting caught liberating animals.
- And of course, he’s already vegan so there’s no challenge to turn him (mostly kidding)
So the clear answer to whether vegans should only date vegans is: no.
Being vegan is an attractive quality because it shows that a person cares on many levels, but just as others inspired us to go vegan, we can inspire others to learn the lifestyle.
Go for sex appeal, manners, and integrity. Do your vegan thing. And cupid will strike.
Cupid is vegan, clearly, since he only hunts humans.
I disagree with you. If we have truly adopted a non speciesist mindset we cannot date someone who has others murder nonhuman animals for him. Just as I would not date a rapist, sexist, nor pederast( and flesh based agriculture includes all of those) I would never consider someone who tacitly consents tho these.
You say avoid someone who judges you for not being vegan enough, and goes to jail for liberating nonhuman animals? Would you say the same thing if the victims were human?
Hi, thanks for your viewpoint.
I don’t like to think that I have a non-speciesist viewpoint, but a nonviolent viewpoint. My goal is to educate and inspire others, and I see all people as potential vegans. Most people have a blind spot when it comes to consuming animal products because of lifelong cultural brainwashing. I would hope to walk a path with someone who I have attraction for where our minds can grow together.
I don’t have the time personally for someone who judges me for not being 100% raw, or wanting to have kids, or wearing faux fur (none of these things are vegan to me anyway). And I would love to date an animal rights hero. If he went to jail, that’d be rough and not his fault at all.
If the question is whether or not I’d date a human killer, it depends on the situation (in war times, for example). I don’t think the two are comparable without specifying examples.
My main point was to remind people that less than 1% of the population is vegan and the other 99% could be potential vegans who just haven’t had the right experiences yet. Someone helped me become vegan and I want to do the same for others, whether the relationship is romantic or not.