Ignorance and the Law of Attraction: Addendum

February 10, 2011

Where Ignorance and ‘Positivity’ Collide

Deconstructing sad love stories...in the name of the LOA

In further considering my last post about the Law of Attraction & Ignorance, I thought of a perfect example to show the difference between getting into the LOA flow and getting caught in a tornado of ignorance.

Unfortunately, I have to get semi-personal to explain. I’ll keep the emotional-ick factor on the low.

When I was 24, I was dating this guy – we’ll call him Vortek because whenever I think about him to this day I fall into a vortex – an unproductive one, and basically I thought he set the stars. Every time I looked at him, a magic wand was waved and I would drift into Vortek land.

Anyway, after a few very strange paradoxical events that I interpreted as fate (but would probably interpret now as the LOA), I went to visit Vortek where he lived in Nelson (long distance relationship – space sure can make things pretty). And well, Vortek, being a commitmentphobe just like I like ‘em, was overwhelmed with all this – us sharing a room for the weekend, getting closer, me meeting his friends, being his new girlfriend when he was just out of a relationship. But did I register Vortek’s fears? Yesandno… They terrified me because I never wanted to lose him – ever.

So I told myself everything was fine – that I would make it fine. And if he was going to act like a jerk and hurt me, well then he could just see how much his actions hurt me and then he would fall even more deeply in love with me when he saw how much I cared. It was fine that our connection was super intense. It was fine that he was pulling away because I would ‘be there’ for him to remind him why were were good together. It was fine that he was ignoring me… right?

Say it with me: ignorance. His, sure, but more importantly – mine.

Though I was seemingly practising positivity, really I was pouring pink paint over a huge mess that was very real and in ignoring the real situation – that Vortek needed time and space – at the very least. I was trying to ‘make fetch happen’ and have enough love for both of us. I was trying (however bravely) to stifle the fear of us not working out by being the bubbly girlfriend I thought he wanted. Creepy, you said it.

NOW, you could argue that if I’d really believed in my heart of hearts that we’d be together in the end, the energy of my actions would have been totally different – not fear-based and creepy, and Vortek wouldn’t have lost attraction for me. BUT, in order for me to get to a place where I really trusted that we’d both be happy in the end, I had to get to a place where I let go of the end result (ie. whether we’d be happy together) and this was not an easy place to get to. What I needed to do was go deep into my mind and soul and challenge myself to reveal where I wasn’t being honest with myself. It took me years.

So what would the right way to practise the law of attraction in this situation have been? To use the art of allowing to let Vortek experience whatever he was needing to experience that weekend, and to let myself be upset and disillusioned, and take the physical space to feel that way in the hopes of getting to a place where I could ask to feel differently. I needed to acknowledge that I was miserable in order to fix it. I could have left and taken a breather; my absence in this situation would have been attractive to Vortek, who needed to breathe and think himself.

At the time, I was trying my hardest to think positive thoughts, but sometimes positive thoughts are not enough. They do not work instantaneously (well, they work faster if you understand the law of attraction), and they definitely don’t work if you’re not feeling what you’re thinking about.

NOW, when you understand the power of the law of attraction,  your thoughts become even more powerful because you know their weight. But I didn’t at that time. And the best thing in that situation would have been to let go of my Elmyra-like grip on the situation (I want to loove you and squeeeze you, etc.) and replenish my self love instead of using false-positivity  to try to muscle back into place the crumbling walls of my relationship.

What I’m saying is: the law of attraction should never be used in place of questions, even if those questions evoke feelings of fear or sadness. The LOA can however be used to guide you towards asking effective questions. This requires getting very familiar with the art of allowing. (Google it.)

If you’re curious (about life, yourself, others), there’s a good chance you’re working the LOA.

Did Vortek and I continue down a long, messy, complicated path of I-love-you-I-love-you-nots? Of course. But no need to get personal unless it’s for a good reason.

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